Pilar Diaz reflection

12 Dec

Oh Pilar Diaz. Once again, there’s another reason to love your thoughts: this time in prose not music. I bought a ukulele because I wanted to play some of her songs. It ended up being a very strong basis behind my solo CD.

Here’s a letter she wrote to her fans:

Dear friends:

I was in a dark, deep hole and now, I’m out, finally. That’s the confession. If you’d like to read ALL the details, please keep reading. If not, I won’t be offended if you skip straight down to the new album info.
Seriously folks, you get all the dirt from me all the time. There’s definitely nothing I’m hiding, because honestly, I cannot keep my mouth shut. I owe it to my Chileno upbringing and my mother’s Italian heritage. Both cultures love to spill and eat the beans, at the same time! That said, I have been able to calm the flames this year and keep some things to myself so that we can all strike some balance. Leash the unnecessary. Allow things to simmer and develop. Spending 3 winters (2 in USA, 1 in Chile) in one year (2011) has definitely helped this long refuge. A sabbatical in South America that I had been yearning for a long time came to fruition after years of feeling unsatisfied with myself, my music, and the music industry/biz. I needed reflection.
Even at a competitive corporate job you have an 8 hour work day that allows you 2 coffee breaks and an hour for lunch. As an independent artist/musician and CEO of your own show, you don’t really allow yourself that luxury of breaks or time off. You think that you can’t “afford” it. Man, what a load of bull that is! Ultimately, if you go without breaks, no time off and no vacations, even with your own business, guess what happens? YOU BURN OUT! There’s no time for reflection let alone inspiration. You become a grumpy old woman that wants to blame everyone else for her problems, feel misunderstood, get confused, push away everyone that loves you, get mad, neurotic, suicidal, obsessive, alone and f-up. Ladies and gentlemen, that’s what happened to me. I had to hit a depressive rock bottom about a year ago (after about 5 years of personal suffering going nowhere and 20 years of suffering for my family’s traumas and mistakes which became my own) to finally see that I needed to evolve and break free from the chains of perfection and my past. Begin taking real pleasure in life. Because what we create out of pleasure is what we will remember most when we think of our lives on our death bed. No kidding, my abuelita right now is preparing to go to the other side very soon and the only time she smiles is when she speaks about the positive adventures she experienced in her life – and when I’m on my death bed, I want to be smiling THE WHOLE TIME. So, I have begun to smile at everything, even the crap. I don’t deny there is crap to experience and clean up – hey, it’s the only way to grow-up. But now, it’s not a trauma or imperfection that I cling to, it’s an experience to feel human, vulnerable, and to help make us stronger and more beautiful. For example, I recently had a childhood friend of mine pass away from cancer. I didn’t get a chance to hang out with her one last time because we both thought she’d be fine by the time I’d be back in the States from my trip. Nope. She died, and it really woke me up to the cliché idea of “life’s too short.” It’s true and not cliché. While on my sabbatical I experienced taking care of my elderly grandmother; changing diapers and cleaning her butt like a baby, holding her up to go to the bathroom, feeding her food, and taking all of her unintentional remarks and anger (like a rebellious teenager in transition) so that she could get better. So that she could have someone to take care of her for once. It was tough. I’m a free single woman with absolutely no attachments getting ready to start production on my new solo album and suddenly I am being called to do something about my grandmother’s health. It was the hardest thing to do at first but then, like everything, you get used to it and adapt. It was the right thing to do, and lucky for both of us, it helped our family evolve and confront many problems we preferred to sweep under the rug. And as for me… I figured out what I’m actually here on this planet to provide – I am a medium to help others express themselves and be free. That’s my music, compositions, performances, and singing voice. Don’t get me wrong, I knew this was my path all along in my life, but I never knew exactly how to express it, how to understand it, and how to make sense of it – especially when your family is discontent with one not going to college for a “secure” career. I honestly hope that this path is filled with prosperity and love that will always give me shelter.
So… how does one go from a very limited belief of what one can do in life, to a 360 degree experience of the universe? Simple… confess, tell the truth to yourself and everyone around you, express exactly how you feel with a respect for others, look at people in the eye, no white lies, feel pain, express your heart not your mind, have a sense of pride because you respect your truth, have respect and integrity for your true purpose in life, and walk without mental borders. I promise that with that alone, just that first positive step, we will be free and begin to acquire the tools to what we need out of life. We will begin to truly live. (Oh, and daily 20 minute meditations help A LOT too! A natural tranquilizer for us anxious girls).
So I ask you for 2012 and beyond, that we stop being brats, chickens and weather reporters, and instead – be brave, tell the truth, ask questions, and find out what we are really in this universe to work for, contribute, express, and experience.  The present and future are waiting! Gratefully!
I am confessing my experiences today because I know that there is someone out there that will benefit from me speaking out.
Thank you for reading! Con mucho amor. xoxo, Pilar
P.S. If you’re thinking to yourself after reading this, that you’re life is great and you have nothing to complain about – I beg you to please go out into the world and give whatever it is you’ve got to help others in need. Be it your talents, skills, funds, personality, overstock, etc. If you’re all good, then please step outside and give that to others. I don’t know if you can tell, but the universe is in dire need of positive action. Gracias.
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