Archive | November, 2013

Oxford Study: Big Butt Women are Healthy and Smart

27 Nov

From Pocho.com (satire website)

Scientists at the University of Oxford have uncovered evidence that women with big butts are not only the most intelligent, but also the most resistant to chronic illnesses.

The study examined the fat accumulated in different parts of a woman’s body, and found that women with a phat ass were less likely to get diabetes, since they are more likely to produce hormones to metabolize sugar.

What’s more, women with big booties tended to have lower levels of cholesterol and fewer heart problems, according to the study.

We translated the Fafhoo Noticas report:

Women with a big butt, wide hips and a narrow waist can live longer, and even be more intelligent, since the Omega 3 fats stored in their butts support brain development.

 

“Marie Curie, for example, had to back that ass up in the lab all the time — and look how brilliant she was!” remarked butt researcher Benedict Pollen. “This supports the long-rumored story that Albert Einstein himself wore baggy clothing to try to mask the fact that he had it going on.”

English scientists were excited by the results, and wondered where they could get their hands on some big booty on their side of the pond.

“I never stopped to think that JLo could be the next Nobel prize winner!” declared Pollen.

Professor of Physics Sandra Melendez of the University of Arizona was unimpressed by the study.

“Seriously? That’s how men are going to decide I’m smart? Whatever, I guess I’ll just take my award-winning research to Victoria’s Secret,” she told PNS.

“Intelligent my ass, I’m pinche brilliant,” she said, noting that she was a runner-up for the Nobel prize this year.

“Maybe if I’d mailed them a picture of my culo I would have won the gold,” she remarked sarcastically. “In the meantime, I’m going to keep working on my research, hopefully one day the male-dominated science field will see my mind, not just my record-breaking booty.”

 

American Music Awards 2013- Sexism, Racism, and Just Plain Good Music

26 Nov

I normally don’t care too much for award shows except for the performances. The highest selling artists are the ones that are recognized anyway. But these AMAs really gave a lot for me to vent about. This year the AMAs represented what was right and wrong not just in the music industry, but in the USA. Talented musicians are not recognized in favor of attention grabbing, record selling musicians with massive stage props, lights and backup dancers. Ariana Grande stood in front of a micriphone and put highly produced acts like Katy Perry and Lady Gaga to shame. Racist and sexist performers and presenters. An over abundance of white performers with an obvious African American influence in their songs yet the only African Americans in the performers were rapping or singing average music (Rihanna). Hmmm. Thanks AMAs for bringing out the true side of ‘Merica.

Moments of the AMAs”

#1 Pitbull as the host

Not bad! Its good to see a Latino that makes so many people dance as a host. I actually liked that he didn’t have any cheesy lines like the hosts in Spanish language award shows.

 

#2 Performers:

Katy Perry: She shouted during the performance even though she was plagued with sound issues. The scenery and stage design was beautiful. However, I read many articles stating that Katy Perry’s outfit was overly racist towards the Japanese geisha. Yikes.

One Direction: Surprisingly from my previous experiences with boy bands, these Brits can actually sing. Not bad!

Ariana Grande: Watch out! She’s landed int he pop music scene and I hope she does not get corrupted by the fame. This girl is already being compared to Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston at the age of 20. All she did was stand in front of a mic. No stage props or fancy costumes. Just a pure, controlled young lady full of talent. Highly impressed!!

Imagine Dragons: Didn’t expect much from the overplayed band. They floored me with their energetic, engaging performance full of drums. They’re a rock band with big guitars! Two thumbs way up!

Pitbull and Keisha: Oh dear lawd! Pitbull, you can write some incredibly catchy songs, but you just made all women look like objects. Keisha is just ugghhh with her trashy self. They might of just called women “bitches and hoes” while they were at it.

Justin Timberlake: Classy as always backed up by a group of phenomenal musicians. Excellent!

Rihanna: Not bad. Nothing flashy. Nothing trashy. Just a straight forward performance with good vocals.

Jennifer Lopez: I think I can officially stop thinking of JLo as a talentless ho in the music word. She proved me wrong. Way wrong. She made those songs her own AND proved to the world that she can definitely dance and entertain a crowd. Her backup dancers were phenomenal and excellent salsa dancers.

Christina Aguilera: Meh. Although thank goodness she didn’t have to shout her way through the song.

Kendrick Lamar: I was able to understand what he was rapping about AND it was an entertaining performance.

Lady Gaga and R. Kelly: I like early Gaga. Not this Gaga.

Mackelmore and Ryan Lewis: Wow. Just wow. What a great duo.

Nelly and Florida George Line perform a combination of rap and country. Yay! This new genre might just stick.

TLC and Lil Mama: Awesome to see that song performed live in 2013. Left Eye’s rap was given justice by Lil Mama.

Miley Cyrus: WTF. WTF. WTF. That was a disturbing cat that was displayed behind her. The industry needs to shove her aside.

#3 Moments

Dave Grohl saying that the winners of the Rock Award should go to a real rock band not a folk band. Right on dude.

Ariana Grande pulling out her acceptance speech from her bra and frantically thanking everyone.

Taylor Swift on stage looking like shes anorexic. Somebody please feed her!

Rihanna being given the Icon Award by her mom. Tear.

Mackelmore and Ryan Lewis accepting their award and giving a moment to Treyvon Martin and all victims of racism

The racist tweets because apparently Pitbull, Jlo and Marc Anthony are too much for white conservative America. Wow. Just wow.  Check them out here: http://nbclatino.com/2013/11/25/the-2013-amas-pitbull-j-lo-add-star-power-to-high-wattage-event/

Pitbull being attacked on Twitter for being too Mexican for the AMAs. Orale! Check them here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/25/pitbull-twitter-american-music-awards-_n_4337833.html

 

In summary:

The good:

Jlo’s tribute to Celia Cruz seen here: http://theboombox.com/jennifer-lopez-tribute-celia-cruz-american-music-awards/

Ariana Grande

Imagine Dragons

Justin Timberlake

 

The Bad:

Miley Cyrus please go away

The sexism in Pitbull, Lady Gaga and even Jlo’s performance had a moment where her backup dancers pretended to spank her

Racist reactions to the Latino presence